flower inn lavender

Iapos;m back in new york. Iapos;ve been waiting for this weekend for a while. To get away from school. From work. Even a break from Steven. I mean, not that we need a break, and weapos;re doing fine, but sometimes things get overwhelming and it gets to much for my little mind. But iapos;m here. And work calls me asking questions as soon as i land. And i still ended up crying when i talked to steven last night cause i swear things are different than before. And all i am is stressed about school work i have to get done before the day after i get back. So the whole vacation is pointless for the reasons i wanted it, and my mom makes me upset cause she talks to everyone and tells them i donapos;t eat when i do, so i have all these family members trying to force me to eat cause they think im some disturbed sick girl and itapos;s ridiculous. Iapos;m starting to realize that as long as things continue the way they are, nothing about this is going to change. And being that iapos;m in no state to change anything and my huge irrational fear of change, these things will remain this way. I spent almost 200 on tickets. Almost 300 including alterations on my indian outfit. Shoes. Bangles. I should have taken off this weekend, filled up my car with gas, picked up Chris Steph who were apparently down for the weekend in springs, grab Lucy Steven, and drove to key west or something. But who knows if that wouldapos;ve made me any happier, sometimes i just think that somethingapos;s wrong with me which makes me so difficult. But then i think again, and realize that i just put myself too much into everything i do. And care too much. And try to please others too much. And get to emotional when they donapos;t work out that way. I just miss my friends and hate school too much =(
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