readyrightarm: el jefes hideout

iapos;m alone.
no one understands� me.
i have a learning disability and because of it i am treated like a retard.
iapos;m not a retard. I just canapos;t function in society like someone my own age, or like a mentally stable person for that matter.
i try to fit it, but i canapos;t. I donapos;t. I look like iapos;m from the 90apos;s. If i donapos;t cut my hair, itapos;ll grow into an insane mullet. My pants are mom jeans and my shoes are worn down sneakers.
but i canapos;t help that. My parents donapos;t have much money. And they donapos;t even treat my like a normal child.
my home life is not a sufficient place for a person like myself. I need special care and ways of learning that i canapos;t get from my parents.
i want to be normal. I try to be normal. But i canapos;t be normal.
i try to fit it. I wore a pair of dangly earings one day. It clashed with my outfit. But i thought they were pretty.
my front lawn is covered in lawn ornaments. Windmills and gnomes take refuge in the grass by my little shabby home.
i like them. They�bring me comfort. They donapos;t judge. They canapos;t judge. And because of that, i like them.
iapos;m judged everywhere else. At school, on the bus, at home. I canapos;t escape.
iapos;m tormented on the bus. The older kids at the back of the bus tease me for being a retard. They call me names�and make fun of�me entire way home. An hour of my day is taken up with nasty words shot at me. And i canapos;t do anything about it.
i sit at the front of the bus with�a boy in gr�6. He, too, has a mental disability, ADD. Weapos;re the same.
at school i have no friends except some of the other challenged people in my foundations math class.
iapos;m not stupid. Iapos;m not stupid. Not matter what people say. No matter what the kids at the back of the bus say, or my parents. I am not stupid.
i wish i could be like everyone else. Like a normal teenager. Hang out at the mall, talk about boys. But i canapos;t because people judge me on my appearance and mental stability. I donapos;t mean to be the way i am, itapos;s just the way i am and i cannot help it.
iapos;m lost.
iapos;m hurt.
i want to be loved and liked.
i want people to understand.
i donapos;t want to feel pain all the time.
i donapos;t want the bus to be a place of hate and place where i am scared.
i donapos;t want to look like iapos;m out of the 90s.
i feel like thereapos;s no escape.
iapos;m alone.
no one understands me.

(this was a piece of writing i just wrote.. Itapos;s from the perspective of a girl on my bus. It needs some editing. But itapos;ll come)