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So, about those poll results...maybe Iapos;ll get to them later. Suffice to say that I am simplifying my life right now, and taking the time to do what I want to do. Itapos;s going to be at the cost of my academics, but honestly? Iapos;m losing more and more interest in academia every day. Iapos;m tired of school, have been for years. I hate the stress and pressure and expectations. Iapos;m ready to move on. Iapos;ve discovered Iapos;m happiest when I work full time and my personal time is my personal time. So Iapos;ll probably just be scraping by, and my mother will be upset, but I need to do this for myself. If you really want details about anything, let me know and Iapos;ll explain it in person. I really donapos;t feel like putting it all here.

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I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want (though I reserve the right to not answer or to answer evasively). Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including me) to ask you anything.
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After lunch I�went to the library and banged out another essay.
Class was booooring.
Pep band was...Peppy. But long.
Justin and I�decided to skip the PBL�movie and opted to do homework...which I�never did because I�got a call from Bryan saying he was coming up. Bye bye homework.
Funny how easy those choices are.�I�was sooooo stressed out and yet I threw all homework aside to hang out with Bryan. And while with him I felt none of that stress. Thank God.
We went for a walk�(aka he forgot his wallet in his car haha)�and talked lots. We watched Buffy. Ugh, love <3
Went to the diner, met up with Christina. I�think I live at the diner. Ah, well, I�hadnapos;t had dinner.�All is well.
Now Iapos;m back in my room. Paul came in for a bit.�He was being weird.
Again, everyone is crazy. Even people elsewhere, I think. Whatapos;s going on with the world?
Now Iapos;m reading...why?�I�have no idea.�I�should be asleep, or doing homework.
But itapos;s just so good. And I canapos;t stop myself.
But despite all the crazy amounts of homework I�have, it was really good to see Bryan. He always manages to put a smile on my face :)
Tomorrow�Iapos;ll be freaking out, Iapos;m sure.
But for now, I read. And itapos;s kind of depressing me haha such a dark fic right now. Weapos;ll see.

<3

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Today Iapos;ve been blessed with the most amazing luck.

Not only was I so lucky as to have another fight with my boyfriend, but along with that two of my good friends decided to start dating.

The first part, obviously bad.

The second part, bad because of my own selfishness. These two friends are the only ones I hang out with outside of school. Them getting together either means that they will become closer and leave me alone, or that they wonapos;t be compatible and will leave me in an awkward situation between them. Or I suppose from an optimistic point of view I can be a third wheel or in an optimistic but very selfish view, it just wonapos;t work out and� everything will be as it was.

Of course, I would be able to handle this fantastically if I had my boyfriend here with me. But heapos;s not, and I have incredibly bad social skills. So if these two get serious, I can most likely look forward to lonely days.

WoW, here I come.

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After one day at home that was fine yesterday was a bit more of a trial for our little boy.� He spent most of the day throwing up which has left him pretty weak today.� He seems pretty stable this morning and has managed to keep down some crackers and peppermint tea (which he has never had but really likes).� He didnapos;t keep much of his medicine down yesterday but so far no seizures so Iapos;m hoping it didnapos;t cause too large a disruption in his system.� We are just going to take it easy today.�

I had planned to go to Alderwood Mall today and get him some exercise on the playground but between him being sick and the pouring rain I�think weapos;ll shelve that for a while. �

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Iapos;m back in new york. Iapos;ve been waiting for this weekend for a while. To get away from school. From work. Even a break from Steven. I mean, not that we need a break, and weapos;re doing fine, but sometimes things get overwhelming and it gets to much for my little mind. But iapos;m here. And work calls me asking questions as soon as i land. And i still ended up crying when i talked to steven last night cause i swear things are different than before. And all i am is stressed about school work i have to get done before the day after i get back. So the whole vacation is pointless for the reasons i wanted it, and my mom makes me upset cause she talks to everyone and tells them i donapos;t eat when i do, so i have all these family members trying to force me to eat cause they think im some disturbed sick girl and itapos;s ridiculous. Iapos;m starting to realize that as long as things continue the way they are, nothing about this is going to change. And being that iapos;m in no state to change anything and my huge irrational fear of change, these things will remain this way. I spent almost 200 on tickets. Almost 300 including alterations on my indian outfit. Shoes. Bangles. I should have taken off this weekend, filled up my car with gas, picked up Chris Steph who were apparently down for the weekend in springs, grab Lucy Steven, and drove to key west or something. But who knows if that wouldapos;ve made me any happier, sometimes i just think that somethingapos;s wrong with me which makes me so difficult. But then i think again, and realize that i just put myself too much into everything i do. And care too much. And try to please others too much. And get to emotional when they donapos;t work out that way. I just miss my friends and hate school too much =(
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Random trip out was really a bad idea, what the fuck was a thinking? sometimes i really do stupid things which i regret thereafter. Ugh. Left me with a sore back and a splitting headache. BUT at least i get to drive half the journey, so itapos;s not that bad. And yes i made it through the second round and have been driving for quite a bit but i canapos;t park my freaking car just as yet. Certain things take time just like trying�to forget you. How did you do it at all? being seen as a threat is not something new to me. But itapos;s the least i expected coming from you. This has come out to be such a mess. Iapos;d rather just leave everything behind. I need a hug. But then again....i just need you.
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